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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28765950">A Lapse in Judgement</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/breemaybe/pseuds/breemaybe'>breemaybe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(its all a simulation tho. you know that), AFAB reader - Freeform, Angst, Blood and Gore, Blow Jobs, Canon-Typical Behavior, Character Death, Choking, Dead Enoshima Junko, Despair Era (Dangan Ronpa), Dry Humping, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Glitches, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Komaeda Nagito Being Komaeda Nagito, Penis In Vagina Sex, Reader Has An Ultimate Talent (Dangan Ronpa), Smut, Unsafe Sex, Wall Sex, but boy is cute, cutting off hands, emotional torture, reader should be smarter than this, the happy ending is coming i swear, warning for chapter three</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:29:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,943</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28765950</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/breemaybe/pseuds/breemaybe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Codependency is the kind of thing that will get someone like you killed, but now that you've tasted him you aren't sure you could go without. You should be smarter than this. </p><p>AKA: Ultimate Empath reader gets nasty with Komaeda. Even though she knows it's a really bad idea.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Komaeda Nagito/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>370</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. A Dangeous Present</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Being an ultimate empath is not easy, and it never has been. Your whole life you have tried to distance yourself from other people, because your talent means it is far too easy for you to grow attached to them. To feel that you </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now that you are trapped in a killing game it is even harder. Staying detached now of all times, is incredibly important. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But you failed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda’s jutting hip bones dig into your thighs, his skin, usually so pale you can almost see right though, is flushed pink. His swollen lips move frantically as he mutters, pleads, </span>
  <em>
    <span>begs</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Self deprecation, words of adoration. Separated only by desperate whimpers for </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He looks angelic writhing beneath you, with his eyes squeezed shut and the rapid rise and fall of his bare chest. He whimpers, and his hips stutter up to meet yours. Almost like he is ashamed to do it. You cup his face in your hand, cooing softly at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A few strands of thin white hair are plastered to his forehead with sweat, you brush them away and tuck them behind his ear. His eyes snap open at the touch of your fingers, and you feel him. He is desperate, he is needy, he is honoured, he is </span>
  <em>
    <span>unworthy</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You slow the grind of your hips on the crotch of his jeans, placing a hand on his chest to feel his heart. It beats fast, like a hummingbird stuck behind his ribs. His skin is pulled taut across his bones, when you meet his eyes again, he feels </span>
  <em>
    <span>disgusting</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hah…” he mutters, high and breathless, “that you would touch someone as filthy as me like this…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You cut him off. Pressing your forehead to his, “Shh. Nagito, I know.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He laughs again, it’s shaky and weak, “of course! An ultimate empath like yourself, you know everything! I should have known better.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You kiss him firmly, one of your hands digging into the halo of white hair on the pillow. Trying to ignore the strands that come away in your fingers. He talks about you so highly, </span>
  <em>
    <span>an ultimate empath like yourself</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you should be the one who knows better. Komaeda is unstable. His feelings are so strong, so passionate you can’t help but sink into them. If you were too close when he finally tipped off the edge, you might just find yourself jumping after him. Despite the smarter part of yourself screaming at you to remember everything he has already done, you shove your tongue into his mouth and moan as his dances with yours. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your hands slip down his torso, feeling the warmth of his skin under your fingers. You suck in a breath as your fingers drop over the edge of his rib cage and down to the valley of his stomach. He is thinner than he looks in his clothes, did anyone else know? Could anyone else tell just how sick he was? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your hands must be...haa...getting so dirty...tou-touching me” Komaeda mumbles into your mouth. The words taste like poison. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You open your eyes and stare into his. He feels guilty, he feels undeserving. Underneath that, there is a glimmer. A hope that despite all, you may still accept him. Your eyes are welling up, you are too deep inside him. How is he not crying </span>
  <em>
    <span>all the time</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are the only person my hands want to touch, Nagito.” you whisper, licking up the shell of his ear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As much as you want to know how he feels. To know if your words had helped. It would be too much for you right now, so you close your eyes and fumble with the button on his jeans. He wriggles beneath you as it pops open, and sucks in a breath and you slide down the zipper. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His cock is as delicate as the rest of him. Thin and pale, tip flushed pink. Your hand shakes as you reach out to grip it, a moan that almost sounds like an apology reverberates from Komaeda’s throat. His skin is soft. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wha-What are you? Wh- hng!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He is reduced to a babbling mess when you give him a cursory pump. You watch him carefully, for a sign or a word, anything to indicate that he wants you to stop. His eyes are closed and his mouth is open, drool slowly making its way down his chin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You moisten your lips, and then lick a stripe up the side of his cock. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda cries out, sitting up and gripping your shoulders. You realise, that this is the first time he has touched you. His eyes are wide, his teeth are bared. He is shocked, he is aroused, but most of all he is afraid. Waiting for the other foot to drop, for you to pull away and laugh, like this was all just a big joke. You feel his heart beating in your chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I...I...I’ll ruin you.” He breathes, “You are going to </span>
  <em>
    <span>let</span>
  </em>
  <span> my filth ruin your perfect mouth?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If my mouth is to be ruined.” You whisper, lips barely brushing the tip of his cock, “I’d like you to do it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You can’t resist. You meet his eyes again. His arousal crashes with yours, and you feel your cunt </span>
  <em>
    <span>throb</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It is hard to look into his eyes with the tsunami of emotions overtaking you, but you do it for him. His misty green eyes look at you desperately, his perfect pink lips hang open as his breath heaves. He looks like a dream, you wish he could get inside your heart like you could his. That he could know that it isn’t fake, not with him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He falls backward in a full body shudder when you take him into your mouth. Whining, writhing. His hands are buried back in the sheets of your bed, purple and floral. They match the ones you had at home. How strange. You have to press a hand down firm on Komaeda’s belly to stop him from stuttering his cock deeper down your throat. His hips wriggle and grind, but he’s whimpering and apologising like he has no control over it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s so </span>
  <em>
    <span>warm</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He babbles, breath heaving, “Trash like me should never...hahhh...can’t stay </span>
  <em>
    <span>still</span>
  </em>
  <span>…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You smile around him. Bringing your head back up to circle his head with your tongue. He loses himself, one of his hands tangles in your hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I shouldn’t be touching you. I shouldn’t.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You release him from your mouth with a pop. Leaving the hand in your hair, and bring his other to your bare chest. Komaeda stops breathing. His eyes are wide, blinking up at where his hand rests on your breast. You grip your hand over his, and force him to squeeze.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want you to touch me. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ruin </span>
  </em>
  <span>me.” You shuffle further up his body, straddling him again, “we are equals, Nagito. Especially here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With his jeans and underwear hanging down around his thighs, the only thing separating you from his cock are your panties. As much as you want to take things slowly, as much as you want to take a moment to enjoy something that you should </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> do again. You find yourself grinding your clit down on his cock. Komaeda chokes on a moan, the hand on your breast reflexively tightening. He gasps, shocked at the feeling of your soft flesh beneath his hand. He is looking up at you now, but it is impossible to know how he is feeling because his eyes are glued to your breasts. Watching them sway as you grind back and forth. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>whines</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You want to feel this way forever, you want to listen to his needy little sounds for the rest of your life. Three people didn’t die yesterday, everything is fine. Komaeda is underneath you, you are in control. Tsumiki didn’t look you in the eye during the trial, you hadn’t felt the thrill. You hadn’t felt the thrill of despair rushing up your spine. It hadn’t felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>familiar. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Everything was-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop.” Komaeda mutteres, sitting up and gripping your shoulders, “Hey. Stop” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You freeze. He is worried about you, and you aren’t sure why until he brushes a tear from your cheek. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His brows draw together, and for a moment, he permits himself to touch you. His spindly fingers curl into your hair and rub soft circles on the back of your head, all the while he is just staring at you. Opening himself up like a book for you to read. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He is blessed</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He is happy</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He is worried</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He is-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He feels- </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh no. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His smile is soft. His eyes are gentle. Even without your talent, you could tell that his face says </span>
  <em>
    <span>I love you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It is always hard to distinguish between your own feelings and someone else’s. they all swirl and combine inside of you, like someone has stuck them in a blender. It’s impossible to tell where Komaeda’s love ends and your feelings begin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Better?” He asks</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You nod</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He smiles wide, “good. It must be hard sharing the emotions of everyone all the time, but just think of the hope it will lead to! All the good things you will be able to do!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You know he is trying to pay you a compliment. But you know the words, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re so much better than me.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Are lurking underneath. He’s right, it is hard not being able to tell which are your feelings and which are not. That you can never be fully sure that the throbbing in your heart is real or fabricated. What you can tell, is that it's much harder being him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So you kiss him. The tracks from tears running down your cheeks just starting to dry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His mouth tastes like danger, but his lips are gentle. He is a walking contradiction. Your teeth catch his bottom lip and his blood tastes syrupy sweet. He moans so gently into your mouth and you swallow the sound, it is only for you. Codependency is the kind of thing that will get someone like you killed, but now that you've tasted him you aren't sure you could go without. You should be smarter than this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes are hooded when you finally pull your lips from his. His hair tangled and fucked in a way that only your fingers could manage, his lips a perfect shade of red that only you could make them. Two hearts are racing in your chest, beating in time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It feels like I know you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He blinks, “you do know me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No I-” it feels like you know him from before, from another life, another time. It’s crazy. You’re being crazy. All you can do is laugh to yourself and cup his cheek, “don't worry about it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He opens his mouth to say something, but then thinks better of it. You can tell that he is confused and even a little concerned, but you just laugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nagito. I'm </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His head tilts. The motion so sweet that your heart clenches, “you don't need anything?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your lips curl up in a smile as you lean in closer and whisper, “just you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He swallows, you catch his Adam's apple bobbing in this throat. His arousal is back, and so is yours. You push him back gently so his head is rested on the pillows again, the moonlight hitting his thin hair in a way that makes it shimmer. You push your panties to the side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You didn’t think to bring a condom.</span>
  <em>
    <span> How unlucky</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you muse, lips pulling into a tight smile. Though Komaeda’s luck has not run out yet, because during a killing game, safe sex is the last thing on your mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His head flings backward as you engulf him. His pretty voice cracking and his spindly fingers gripping the sheets. The moonlight from the window crosses his skin and he is glowing. You still, getting a feel for just how deep his cock reaches inside. Afraid to move and break the perfect picture before you. One of Komaeda’s hands lifts up to hide his face, and he laughs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m in…” his breath rattles in his throat, “I’m inside of you...hah...you’ve let me taint even your </span>
  <em>
    <span>insides</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You can’t help it, you grin down at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go on then.” You say, rocking your hips in a way that makes his breath catch, “Take me. Ruin me for anyone else.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At your words. His fingers dig tight into your thighs, and his colliding emotions read as an internal battle. A war between his self deprecation, and his desire to just </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even your own cheeks turn pink in that moment, feeling just how desperate he is.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“C’mon, baby.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he hears you call him </span>
  <em>
    <span>baby</span>
  </em>
  <span>, his fingers dig in tighter. So tight it almost hurts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don't beat yourself up like this, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He surprises you when he speaks, “you...you're-” he swallows, “-you’re so </span>
  <em>
    <span>wet</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His hands are shaking, and you feel the teensiest buck of his hips. His eyes meet yours, he is amazed, he is dumbfounded, he is over the fucking moon.</span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>“I did this to you…” he licks his lips, “and you </span><em><span>let</span></em> <em><span>me</span></em><span>” </span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His hands move from your thighs to your hips, digging into your soft flesh as he lets out a strangled moan. The sound of resolution. Followed by a desperate thrust deep inside you, to say you moaned would be an understatement. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>howled. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Generally you would make sure to keep quiet, with the other cabins all within earshot, but for some reason (an impossibility you cannot comprehend) your joining feels comforting. Like seeing an old friend in a new town, or tasting a childhood dish later in life. Komaeda feels like coming home.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He thrusts again and you fall forward, planting your palms on either side of his head. His eyes are scrunched shut, the </span>
  <em>
    <span>cutest</span>
  </em>
  <span> furrow between his brows. Something in his expression twists, his smile becomes wild and the pads of his fingers are replaced with nails digging into you. It hurts, but you just moan louder. Encouraging him, you really need to stop encouraging him. One day Komaeda is going to go fucking supernova and you’re going with him. You can’t tell the future but it feels like an inevitability, like it has already happened and will happen again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even under the blanket of night, the island’s tropical heat never ceases. A bead of sweat makes its way down your spine, a kiss to Komaeda’s shoulder tastes like salt. The single bed creaks and groans as he grinds up into you, mouth hung open as he laughs and moans. You sit up, freeing a hand to slip down to your clit and your breath hitches at the feeling. Komaeda’s eyes snap open at the sound, and he follows your arm down to where you are touching yourself. Then down </span>
  <em>
    <span>further</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You feel him throb when he gets a good look at the spot where he enters you. His eyes are wide, his hands on your hips shake. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then he thrusts up again, slower and deeper. Transfixed at the way he disappears inside you. You circle your clit, faster and looser, hips stuttering every time he bottoms out inside. Your head lolls back as you moan again, grabbing one of his hands and intertwining your fingers together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to come soon.” You force out, rolling your hips forward again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda hisses air in through his teeth and you notice his thrusts are getting sloppy, “m-me too…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You smile, there’s one last thing you want from him, “look at me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes meet yours and you can feel a moment of panic, a cacophony of </span>
  <em>
    <span>trash trash trash</span>
  </em>
  <span> screaming behind his eyes. You press a hand to his cheek. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just let go.” You whisper, “I’m right here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He takes a deep breath and just </span>
  <em>
    <span>pounds you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The coil in your belly is growing tighter and tighter, his hips pumping faster and faster. His eyes are squeezed shut and he’s biting his lip so hard that it bleeds. He’s a vision, he should be hung up in the fucking louvre.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then with a strangled moan, his eyes snap open and you </span>
  <em>
    <span>come. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Both of you, and you can feel it all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s like a snap of tension. A rope untied. The highest note in your favourite song. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And he loves you </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He loves you loves you loves you</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You slump forward, limp from the exertion. Komaeda is panting quietly and one of his hands slowly reaches around your shoulders. Even after all that, he is still hesitant to touch you. You kiss his temple, and then-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>DING DONG BING BONG</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your eyes snap open. It’s still too dark for that to be the morning announcement, and that can only mean- </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda stiffens below you, thinking the same thing when Monokuma makes the second worst announcement he possibly could.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“e-HEM! Hey suckers, don’t get your panties in a twist no one is dead. Just thought I would do the polite thing and let you all know that the Ultimate Lucky Student and the Ultimate Empath just GOT IT ON!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“fucking hell…” you muttered, but the bear wasn’t done.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“AND AND AND AND! They didn’t even practice safe sex!!!! I must have failed you as a teacher. So! Tomorrow morning I’ll be giving the class a demonstration! So maybe the next two rowdy kids will be a little more responsible! Anyway sweet dreams!”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. A Past Forgotten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A voice whispers in your mind of a time long forgotten, the visions are quiet, little more than shadows.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is a despair era chapter. proceed with caution.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Before the Simulation</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sun is setting behind the fractured remains of the city. Tall buildings are fully or half collapsed in a way that makes the world look like a form of concrete deforestation. Komaeda is sitting beside you on the roof of a paint chipped green sedan, hand shoved up your skirt, yours shoved down his pants. Jerking eachother off. Quick and dry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s easy to forget that a few years ago, you had been standing in a classroom. Knuckles accidentally brushing across the left hand of a boy you were secretly in love with. The Komaeda you once knew didn't really exist anymore, but this one would do fine in the interim. You find it suitably ironic that even the left hand you had so wanted to hold does not exist. If you want to get technical, you’re being fingered by Enoshima Junko right now. Her nails are too sharp, it hurts in a way that gets your blood rushing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A red nail polish bottle is  balancing on the hood of the car where your feet are resting. Stolen from a pharmacy, dried up and gluggy no matter how long you shook it for, but Komaeda was insistent that you repaint Enoshima’s nails and you have never been able to say no to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His head lolls backwards, laughter and moans echoing off into the endless ruin and it’s the sweetest sound you’ve ever heard. Your eardrums had been damaged in the weeks before, gunshots too close to your face - you’d been worried that you would never hear him again. Your fist grips tight around his cock and he shrieks. You could die listening to him. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to die listening to him. His hands around your throat as he whispers sweet nothings into your ear. Enoshima’s fingers curl inside you and you </span>
  <em>
    <span>whine</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His right hand is still, resting his thigh. Despair runs through your veins, it comes out in your saliva, your sweat, your blood. But for some reason, somehow - you feel your heart perform a little high school flip when you look at his hand. A human and childish desire for </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> hand, not the hand of Enoshima currently three knuckles deep inside of you. Komaeda would never allow you that. Enoshima holds your hand, Enoshima pulls you up when you’re knocked to the ground, Enoshima fucks you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You tried once. Grabbed his hand and pulled his fingers into your mouth, sucking and moaning. He’s ripped it out of your grasp, teeth bared like some sort of crazed beast.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It does not </span>
  <em>
    <span>deserve </span>
  </em>
  <span>you!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Enoshima’s hand quickly took its place.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her body was barely a pulp when you stumbled upon it, plenty of parts already missing. You wondered if she knew what had befallen her, that after her death the Queen of Despair Enoshima Junko was tossed onto the pavement in front of Hope's Peak Academy like little more than garbage. You wondered if she was reveling in it. The decision to take her hand had been a quick one, Komaeda had already chopped halfway through his bone before the tears started rolling down your cheeks. His detached hand was still warm when you cupped it to your face, so long you had wanted it. Enoshima would have choked you out for putting him before her, but Enoshima was dead. You had kicked off your boot and stomped her face into a pulp, the remainder of her brains squishing in between your toes. None of this had ever been for her, it was always for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your talent didn’t work much anymore. Not while the whole world was only feeling despair, there was nothing to read, nothing to learn. It was like trying to open your eyes in a murky lake, fishing around for something precious in the mud. That was despair in itself, the destruction of your only worth. What were you without your talent? You were there for Komaeda, because that was all you could be. Some days his eyes would soften while he looked at you, and your heart would curl at the edges with memories of happiness. It was only a whisper, a breath, but he was still in there. Some days were the opposite, all recognition in his eyes would be gone. He'd charge at you, delusional, screaming and begging for his parents, for his old life, for his memories. In those moments you could read him </span>
  <em>
    <span>fear, loss, loneliness. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s told you once, your legs still tangled together in the sheets of a stranger long dead. That if it looked like things were going downhill, if you were going to be caught, captured, killed. He wanted you to kill him first, because then at least he wouldn’t be alone. You agreed, because you would do anything for him, kill for him, die for him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Anything</span>
  </em>
  <span> but leave him alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hng! Haa-Harder!” He cries out, bringing you back to the present. His hair is plastered to his forehead with sweat, his cheeks are flushed. His chest heaves, shirt gaping and exposing his ribs. You want to wrap your lips around his collarbone and </span>
  <em>
    <span>suck</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The chain around his neck jangles as he thrusts violently up into your hand, you answer his plea, because he is everything. Tightening your grip on his cock and pumping harder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Enoshima’s thumb comes down on your clit, circling slow but firm. Your mouth hangs open, you feel a line of drool slowly dripping down your chin. Komaeda meets your eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are...haa-AH…so </span>
  <em>
    <span>wonderful</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” His eyes are half lidded, and he smiles wide enough that you can see his back molars, “together we will bring the greatest despair...and...HNG...one day the greatest...</span>
  <em>
    <span>hope</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A person within you that you were sure was long gone, rears her head. You can feel that Komaeda is close, and Enoshima’s thumb is pressing against you so wonderfully that you will be soon. So you grip his cock even tighter and as you lead into what you are sure will be the last few pumps he needs. You grab the chain around his throat and tug his lips up against your own.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His lips are chapped, but underneath they are soft. Tears roll down your cheeks and you feel laughter bubbling up inside your chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He finishes all over your hand. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. A Foreshadowing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Maybe if you had just paid more attention. Things would have been different</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Hinata doesn't meet your eyes when you bump into him on the way back to your room in Grape House. It was the sort of thing that seemed like an act of politeness, but he had been avoiding your line of sight since he learned how your talent worked. He is not a person who likes to have his emotions visible to others.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” He asks, looking pointedly at the floor</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As i can be.” You sigh, “I'm going to rest in my room until Souda gets the elevator fixed. Being around everyone while they’re feeling like-” Hinata stiffens and somehow manages to look even further from you. Because you are polite, you pretend not to notice. “Well, you saw how Owari was doing. I'm not going to be much help if I'm crying, so I'll rest until everyone starts calming down a little.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata raises his eyes, his gaze hovering over your left shoulder, “I can come by and let you know when the elevator is fixed if you want.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Hinata” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He gives you a curt nod and moves to leave, but before he actually walks away he turns on his heel, “before I go. I know -” he huffs and runs a hand through his hair, this only manages to make it messier, “I know it's none of my business, and I don't want you to think I'm patronising you but-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You crossed your arms, “is this about Nagito?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata sighs, and for one moment let's himself slip. His eyes meet yours and you can feel, </span>
  <em>
    <span>concern, protectiveness, and something that only reads as tender</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You realise that he is trying to tell you to be careful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I understand, Hinata. I um-” you gave him the most confident smile you could manage, “Thank you for looking out for me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” He says, eyes back on the floor, “I’ll see you later.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Hinata leaves, a familiar feeling of dread drops in the pit of your stomach. Ever since Monokuma made the announcement letting everyone know about the night you spent with Komaeda, everyone has been giving you side eyes. It was to be expected. Souda had all but passed out with how much he was screaming about it, but Hinata…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The fact that he is taking the time to try and warn you, something about that is disconcerting. You aren’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>friends </span>
  </em>
  <span>with Hinata. There's a small collection of weird bits and bobs that he's given you sitting on a shelf in your cabin, but conversations with Komaeda have made it clear that this is standard Hinata behaviour for some reason. A packet of chips, a bottle of ramune and a used crystal ball do not make a friendship unfortunately and Hinata has never made an effort to get to know you on a deeper level, to find out what makes you tick. (The sort of thing </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> know just by looking at someone) so this change in behaviour makes you wonder, what is he so worried about?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You huff and try to stop thinking about it. You’re already discombobulated after being in grape tower with everyone when Nidai’s body was discovered. The anger and sadness of four separate people is still swirling around in your stomach, you aren’t in the right headspace to be worrying about Hinata. So you step over towards your standard room, letting a small smile slip onto your face at the nameplate Sonia arranged for you. Then you open the door to your room, and freeze.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How did you get here?” You mutter, mouth suddenly dry and hands suddenly shaking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda is sitting on your bed, by all rights it shouldn't be possible for him to be in your room. He shouldn't even be on this side of the funhouse. He is giving you a soft smile, but when you meet his eyes, you feel like throwing up, “Maybe...I teleported.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nagito…” you whisper, hands shaking at your sides, “what happened?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pushes himself up, and starts walking toward you, never breaking eye contact, “I played the game. In the final dead room.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As he comes closer and closer, you find yourself backing up. Sure, Komaeda could be unhinged at times but you have never felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>unsafe</span>
  </em>
  <span> in a room with him. At least until now. His eyes are screaming with malice and fury and </span>
  <em>
    <span>betrayal</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but his calm smile stays affixed. Anyone else might not have even noticed, but you did. He knows it, he wont stop staring at you, like he </span>
  <em>
    <span>wants </span>
  </em>
  <span>you to feel his anger. Your breath is like glass in your throat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You learned something…” he has you almost up against the wall now, you have to crane your head to look up at him, “you can tell me. Please tell me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He laughs, dark and cruel, sticking to the back of his throat like bile, “you’re lucky you don’t remember. All this time I thought I was a stepping stone for hope, but there is no hope here.” He reaches a hand out and grabs your face, forcing you to meet his eyes, “no hope on this island, no hope in this funhouse, no hope in this </span>
  <em>
    <span>room.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>BETRAYAL BETRAYAL BETRAYAL </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It's the only thing you can feel. It drowns out even your own terror with its intensity. Your knees are shaking, your nails are digging into the drywall behind you. Komaeda’s fingers dig into your cheek, forcing you to look up into his eyes, to feel how much he </span>
  <em>
    <span>hates </span>
  </em>
  <span>you. Your eyes flit around desperately, trying to look anywhere but him, trying to feel anything but him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then...he releases you, but before you can even breathe a sigh of relief. His hands wrap around your neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You choke. Of course you do. Your hands scramble to pry his fingers away from you, nails digging into his pale skin as the blood rushes up into your head. He’s so tall, he’s lifting you up and you’re barely managing to balance on your toes. He’s still staring at you, he wont stop staring at you. His hatred swirls in the pit of your stomach, drool leaks out of the side of your mouth as you try your best to suck in air. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wh-What did i…” you heave in a useless half breath, it isn't enough.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing that concerns you anymore.” He whispers, his voice eerily calm even as his fingers tighten around your windpipe, “You can feel it though cant you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ack!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tilts his head to the side, “You can feel what you have done to me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>While you can feel his anger, there is no way for you to know what you could have possibly done. You saw him only the day before, just a few hours before the two groups separated to their respective sides of the funhouse. You should have asked him to stay with you, the only reason you didn't was because you were worried about making Hinata and the other girls uncomfortable. Maybe you could have stopped this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes are boring into yours and you can feel everything he can feel. All the anger, all the hatred, but as his thumb presses down into the hollow of your throat, you realise. There’s something else in there too. Arousal. The feeling twists and tangles in the pit of your stomach until suddenly the hands around your throat feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You’re going to pass out. Your vision is swirling, all you can see is a fuzzy splatter of white on green. The world looks how a Monet painting does when you get too close. The panic starts setting in, you’ve tried pushing him away and it hasn’t worked. It won’t work. So instead, you work an arm in between the two of you, grab the front on his coat, and tug him in closer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His mouth misses yours at first, and you find yourself frantically kissing his chin, but he quickly re-aligns and shoves his tongue past your lips. You gasp in shock, but it morphs into a guttural moan. One of his hands leaves your throat to grip your waist, the lightheadedness stays, but you don't feel like you're going to lose consciousness anymore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Teeth sink into your lower lip, you feel a warm trickle of blood crawling down your chin. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurts</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and it is only with a modicum of horror that you realise you </span>
  <em>
    <span>like </span>
  </em>
  <span>it</span>
  <span>. Now that the hand around your throat isn't so tight that you are suffocating, you wonder how much of the arousal you are feeling is just mirrored from Komaeda, and how much of it is your own. Komaeda pulls away from you, his smile splitting his face like an axe splits wood, you can see your blood on his teeth. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>moan</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You...you’re-” He breaks into a frenzied laugher, his whole body shaking with the energy of it, “-you’re getting off on this, aren't you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You are. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His head tilts to the side, and his voice is eerily soft when he whispers, “You want me to fuck you, huh?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You nod. His eyes are still swimming with anger and betrayal, but for now, the looming emotion of arousal has overshadowed them both. You can feel the hardness of his cock pressed up against you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” He says, his voice is like warm honey in your ear as the hand not wrapped around your throat slowly trails up your thigh and under your skirt, “I suppose i can do that for you.” There is no subtlety to the movement of his hand, no tender caresses. His spindly fingers worm their way into the side of your panties, and two of them push inside you. You manage a wheezy breath, knees shaking as you try your best to stay upright. </span>
  <em>
    <span>His fingers are so fucking long</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He laughs, not his usual dismissive giggle, you can tell that at this moment he is laughing at you, “You’re soaked…” he whispers, his voice making the hairs stand up on the back of your neck, “I was meant to be punishing you for your deception, i didn't expect you to </span>
  <em>
    <span>enjoy it</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He is slowly pistoning his fingers in and out, curling them with a practiced technique you didn't even know he had. He hits your g-spot, and like he knows what is about to happen (or maybe he just gets lucky), the hand around your throat comes up to cover your mouth. You howl into the meat of his palm, hips stuttering weakly trying to force him to finger you </span>
  <em>
    <span>faster</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He just keeps staring at you, emotional intensity boiling beneath the surface of his wild eyes, a mixture of anger and </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> that ends up reading like lust. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(Something about the frenzy, about the feeling of his fingers inside you. It evokes memories of another place, another time. The cold roof of a sedan, a set of much sharper fingernails)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His fingers slip out of you, and you whine at the sudden emptiness, “Nagito...I…” you breathe behind his hand, your insides are like jelly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You...what?” He asked, dragging his hand up from your mouth and into your hair. Pulling your head back tight as laughter rolls out from the depths of him, “Are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>begging?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You can't speak. You only whimper.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you begging for my touch?” He leans in closer to you, his lips brushing against yours when he speaks again, “for my mouth?” you moan again, and he isn't even </span>
  <em>
    <span>touching </span>
  </em>
  <span>you yet. Then, he leans past you, running his tongue up the shell of your ear and whispering, “or are you begging for my cock?” He grabs your hand from where it is still pressed against the wall behind you and forces you to grip him through his jeans, “Which is it? Tell me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your hand tightens around his hardness, and he stutters a harsh breath in through his teeth, “Does that answer your question?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” He breathes, licking a stripe up the column of your throat and sucking hard on the soft skin just below your ear. That’s going to leave a mark, and you probably already have bruises from when he was choking you. The thought of that, of people seeing and </span>
  <em>
    <span>knowing </span>
  </em>
  <span>makes your insides tighten, “I guess that will do.” You hear the sound of his belt jangling, and your hands shoot out to help with his jeans. Any fear that was once lurking within you is gone, now you just want him to fuck you. Laugher boils in his chest, escaping his mouth in a wheezy pant as you tug his jeans and boxers down his thighs. He’s practically vibrating with excitement as he follows suit and tugs down your panties. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How…” His hands are quaking and another peal of laughter breaks up his sentence, he’s shaking so hard at this point that he’s having trouble even speaking, “how...how high can you get your leg?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You blink at him, not quite sure what he’s even asking you, “Decently high? I don’t know, I haven't really tried?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s grinning at you and taps his right shoulder, “up here too high?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Way too high.” You wince even thinking about it, “You’re really tall, baby.” he makes a choked sound at the pet name, it does not escape you, “Owari could maybe manage it, but i couldn't.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ahh...how disappointing…” his words don't match the grin on his face. Nor do they match the eagerness in his eyes. He leans down slightly and hooks his hand behind your knee, tugging your right leg up until its balancing against his hip bone. His bony fingers are digging into your soft flesh, and you are living for it, “I suppose this will have to do.” At this angle. The head of his cock is rubbing against your clit, your knees are like jelly, without his tight grip on your leg and the wall at your back you would have toppled over. Komaeda grinds his hips experimentally, choking on a moan at the feeling, “You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>soaked</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” his smile is wild, he wraps his hand around the base of his cock and slowly drags it up and down the length of your cunt. Your lips drop open in a moan and his shoulders shake with laughter that sounds more like hyperventilation than anything else, “I should have seen right through you. You...haa...you </span>
  <em>
    <span>like </span>
  </em>
  <span>being defiled by garbage like me. Don’t you?” He’s drooling now, the line of saliva making its way down his chin. You’re mesmerised by it, “I had my hands wrapped around your throat and you were getting- hng!” You cut him off, dragging your tongue up the string of drool on his chin and over his bottom lip. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He </span>
  <em>
    <span>growls</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Lines his cock up with your entrance, and thrusts upwards. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sound that rips from your throat is less of a moan and more of a scream. The leg he has suspended in the air hooks around his hips and your toes curl inside your shoes. Komaeda’s head lolls forward and comes to rest on your left shoulder, he’s panting and moaning as his hips cant up again. There’s no rhythm to it, he’s grinding up into you desperately, like he </span>
  <em>
    <span>needs </span>
  </em>
  <span>it. You manage to wriggle your hands into the sides of his coat and then up under his shirt, digging your nails into his skin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You can feel the muscles in his back flexing under the pads of your fingers. He uses his grip on your leg to lift you up and slam you back down again in time with his thrusts. It feels good, it feels so good. He’s so deep inside you,  it feels like he literally couldn't get any deeper if he tried. He’s so loud. He’s moaning, and pleading and muttering. His needy vocalisations over the sound of slapping flesh is so hot that you swear you could come from that alone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I knew...mph...haa-AH...i knew you were too good to be true.” He’s still fucking you, but faster now, </span>
  <em>
    <span>angrier</span>
  </em>
  <span> you realise when he brings his head up to look at you, “No one would ever be kind enough to waste their love on </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I...what-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.” He hisses through his teeth, fingers digging tighter into the skin behind your knee as the emotion behind his eyes morphs from anger to fury. You suddenly feel unsafe, “Don’t bother lying to me. After all, no one here is that good, </span>
  <em>
    <span>no one</span>
  </em>
  <span>. No one except for the-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He freezes inside of you. Eyes wide and breathing slowly. What once had been nothing but hatred is slowly changing, softening around the edges and then eventually stopping on </span>
  <em>
    <span>realisation</span>
  </em>
  <span>. A smile crosses his face, gentler compared to the manic grin he’d been wearing earlier. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s you.” He breathes, “Isn't it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nagito, what are you talking-nnGH!” You don't get to finish, his hips pump up into you and cut you off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Laughter rolls out of him in rivulets, his free hand comes up to cup your cheek and his hips dont stop moving, “Of course it’s you! How could i not have seen it!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You can’t even ask him what he is babbling about. Your mouth is hanging open and all you can do is whine, your head lolls back and hits the wall behind you. He feels so perfect inside of you, you’re so full and so warm. You can barely even hear him anymore, all you can do is </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course you can't admit anything! But don't worry!” He smiles at you, slipping his free hand down to your clit and rubbing in quick circles. That was all you needed. Your orgasm crashes into you, your legs and stomach tensing tightly as something inside you snaps. It all feels so good that you barely even realise the gravity of what he is saying,  “It’s okay, my hope. You can leave everything to me."</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oh to be flexible enough to rest my leg on Komaeda's shoulder while he fucks me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. One Possible Conclusion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Deep down you always knew that it would end this way.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>You should have seen it coming. Komaeda was weirdly distant after you escaped the funhouse, alone in his room and not answering even when you pleaded for him to open the door. You should have seen the signs, you should have kicked the door down. There were so many things you should have done, but did not. </span>
  <span>It made sense that someone would finally take the initiative and get rid of him after the bomb threat, you might even have forgiven them if it had been a gun to the head or a knife to the heart. You cup his face in your hands, staring hopelessly into a set of eyes with nothing behind them. Praying that if you look for long enough you will feel something, anything to prove that he is still in there somewhere. Your throat is dry and raw from a constant string of screams and sobs that you can't even hear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, c’mon. You have to get up.” Hinata says, reaching out and resting a hand on your shoulder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You whirl around and the pity living behind the eyes of six different people slams into you. It only makes you angrier, “I am not leaving him.” you suck a breath in through your teeth, hot tears pouring down your face, “One of you did </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” you gesture to the empty vessel that had once held the soul of the man you loved, “Someone </span>
  <em>
    <span>tortured </span>
  </em>
  <span>him. You know perfectly well that he wouldn’t have resisted if someone tried to kill him. They didn't have to do this, they could have just stabbed him and been done with it, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The mother</span>
  <em>
    <span>fucker </span>
  </em>
  <span>tortured him.” you turn back to the body and brush some of the bloody hair away from his forehead, “You can do your worthless little investigation around me, but I am not moving.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your hear Hinata sigh behind you and suggest that everyone start investigating elsewhere for now. Sonia mutters some words of apology in your direction, but you ignore her and listen as only five sets of shoes leave the warehouse. Your fingers cart shakily through Komaeda’s hair and you ask, “Why are you still here?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kuzuryu rounds the body and drops into a crouch on the other side. He doesn't say anything, he just stares at you. Behind his eyes you can feel more than just pity, it’s deeper, more complex. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Empathy, guilt, understanding</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know what i'm trying to say right?” He huffs, “I don't really understand how your weird-ass talent works, but you felt that. Didn’t you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” You whisper, heart tensing with a sudden realisation, “Pekoyama.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He turns away from you, a silent indication that </span>
  <em>
    <span>these emotions </span>
  </em>
  <span>were for him and him alone, “Yeah.” he says. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You sniffle, trying to stop yourself from crying again while gently stroking Komaeda’s cheekbone with your thumb, “He was scared of dying alone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kuzuryu doesn't say anything, but he also makes no move to leave.</span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>“I know i probably couldn't have stopped it but, i wish i could have been there. I wish he could have </span><em><span>seen </span></em><span>me. I just hate…” your breathing is raggard, it’s hard to speak, “I know he did some fucked up shit, i </span><em><span>know! </span></em><span>But I loved</span> <span>him, I did and I don't even really know why. It’s just, it's...just-” your hands are looping around on eachother, circular, as you try to explain feelings that don't make sense, “-it’s like we’ve been here before. Like I love him because I already loved him, and will love him again and again and again ad infinitum.” You’re sobbing now, Kuzurya reaches across Komaeda’s corpse and rests a hand on your shoulder. A noise more like a shriek than a sob rips through you and your hands tangle in your hair, “I feel like i'm going crazy…” you whisper.  </span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s grief.” He replies, “One day, we’ll </span>
  <em>
    <span>both </span>
  </em>
  <span>get over it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The trial is arduous. You were not around for much of the investigation, but that didn't matter to Monokuma, he dragged you kicking and screaming into the elevator and over to your podium. Everyone keeps </span>
  <em>
    <span>looking </span>
  </em>
  <span>at you, at the way your hair is frazzled from your grasping fingers and the barely dried tear tracks running down your cheeks. You can tell that Souda especially is just waiting for you to snap, like </span>
  <em>
    <span>Komaeda </span>
  </em>
  <span>once did. Your fingers are gripped white around the front of your podium, eyes locked only on the photograph across the room. Your mouth curls at the irony, that even </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>is staring at you. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Judging you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata is leading the discussion as usual, but there is a moment of silence every now and again. Like he is </span>
  <em>
    <span>waiting </span>
  </em>
  <span>for input from someone who cannot speak. A bottomless void, a lapse in more than just conversation. Hinata clenches his fist tight. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You aren’t paying much attention, your talent has been acting up. You’ve been feeling things that aren’t even there, from a past life? From someone else’s? Nervous shaky hands cupping your cheeks, one hand and one glove slowly lifting the hem of your shirt. Lips that taste like summer and lips that taste like desperation. You can’t remember anything tangible, but god can you </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Two sets of hands, two pairs of lips. Completely differently but irrecoverably similar. You feel like throwing up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you think?” Hinata asks and you are ripped back to the present.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His brow is pulled tight, but his eyes are apologising to you and begging you to stay calm, “Would Komaeda commit suicide?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I….WHAT? No!” You can’t believe it, you can’t believe the shit Hinata is trying to pull, “did you </span>
  <em>
    <span>see</span>
  </em>
  <span> the body? You think he did that to himself?!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nanami turns to you. Giving you a gentle smile, “It’s okay.” She says, “we’re just working through it, but we need your help.” you’re shaking with a barely contained mania, teeth grinding and tears building in your eyes. Nanami just keeps smiling, and she means it. You can feel her fear, but even more than that, you can feel how deeply she cares for you. For all of you, “You knew him the best, didn’t you? Do you think he would do it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You feel calmer. Taking in a deep breath through your nose, “Not without a reason. He would never kill himself just for the sake of dying, he’s smart. He was trying to accomplish something.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nanami nods and rests a hand over her heart, “thank you. Considering what we found in his cabin, along with your testimony, I think it was more than just a suicide.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What they found in the cabin was poison. Taken from the final dead room. You are dimly aware that it was probably in his pocket while he was fucking you, you turn your eyes to the ground. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We also found...one other thing.” Hinata mutters, he pulls an envelope out from his pocket and passes it over to you. Everyone is leaning in, trying to get a glimpse at what it is, “It was on the bookshelf, it’s addressed to you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your hands are shaking as you grip the paper. You reach out and trace the lines of your name written in his messy handwriting. The envelope is still sealed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The trial continues. The reveal of the poison reveals a motive. Komaeda was trying to take the traitor down with him, the poison hidden in plain sight and his luck rolled the dice. Hinata runs through everything, piece by piece but there is no way to know who did it. No way to know who the traitor is. Unless of course, they come forward.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nanami’s smile is heartbreaking. Hinata’s jaw is clenched tight when he realises the truth, whispering her name so gently so sweetly, like he is begging her to tell him that it’s all just a lie.  You have a feeling though, twisting and turning in your stomach as Nanami begs for your votes. You try and ignore it to just vote for the traitor that Komaeda had wanted to kill, but the longer you waited the more the thought festered inside you. your fingers are still curled tightly around the envelope you don’t want to open, and his fingers are skill curled around your heart.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait!” The word escapes from your mouth like a thunderclap, everyone’s eyes turn to you, “Please don't vote yet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nanami tilts her head, a sweet smile on her lips that doesn't match the sorrow in her eyes “It’s okay. I need to go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You feel a tear spill over and run slowly down your cheek. Your hands are shaking, “Nanami. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>don't</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Souda groans, “I thought we were done! Why do you guys keep doing this?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Hinata says turning to you, “What is it? What happened?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your mouth opens and closes as you struggle to find the words. The room is closing around you and it feels like there is a vice affixed to your lungs, “What if he didn't want to kill the traitor. What if he wanted to kill everyone else?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> “WHAT?” Souda screams, and the room fills with noise. Everyone is arguing and talking over each other, but you don't even hear it. Your fingers are shaking as you flip the envelope over, running your nail under the seam delicately, wanting to make sure it doesn't tear. (you don’t notice, but Monokuma is leaning forward with a grin on his face). It pops open and you reach inside. It isn't really a letter, it’s little more than a few worlds scrawled onto a notecard, but it changes to course of the trial all the same.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My life for yours</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You clap a hand over your mouth and a sob rips through you. Tears rolling down your cheeks in rivlets as your body shakes, you collapse forward onto the podium. Your legs have given out. It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. That moment in the funhouse, when his smile softed and his eyes turned bright, he thought the traitor was </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Because you took the time to love him, whatever sin he believed the rest of your cohort committed he thought you absolved. Innocent. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>weren’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He died for you and you weren't even the person he wanted to save. Did you even deserve to live now? Knowing it was a fictional version of yourself that he died for and not your true self? You knew the answer, and it made your next move just a little easier. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You swallow, using your arms to push yourself back up. Breathing as deeply and evenly as you can, you force yourself to smile, “I killed him.” the words feel disgusting on your tongue, but they are true all the same, “It was me.” all the eyes in the room turn to you and you can feel them all, the confusion, the hatred, the sadness, it fills you up until you are bubbling over, crying and laughing all at once, “he thought i was the traitor. The grenade with the poison, I threw it. Nanami is innocent.” You pass the note back to Hinata, and his face pales when he reads it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I thought…” Sonia starts, watching the realisation dawn on Hinata’s face, “I thought Nanami was the traitor.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She is.” You say, “But...I was kind to him.” You turn to Hinata again, it’s hard to see him through your watery eyes, “Will you convince them for me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata’s face is grave, but he nods.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There is little time for goodbyes. Just before Monokuma pulls you away, Nanami grabs you by the hand and smiles.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They told me to keep an eye on the two of you.” She says, “What happens twice will always happen a third time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A tear cascades down her cheek, you notice it glitters eerily in a way real tears never would, “love transcends memory.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait- Nanami what-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“ALL RIGHT! TIMES UP!” Monokuma yells, “And I have the perfect punishment ready for the Ultimate Empath.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You grab Nanami’s hand tighter, desperation racing up your spine, “Nanami, what happened two times? You have to tell me please-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A metal collar snaps around your throat and you’re tugged backwards, feet scrambling against the ground as it races under you. Your reach out a hand, Nanami’s name screeching from your lips but the familiar figures of your classmates grow smaller and smaller as you disappear down a hallway and into the darkness. Something slams you down in a small wooden chair, the room is pitch black and you can't see a single thing. You try to struggle and a set of metal shackles clamp around your wrists and ankles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s quiet. You can hear the sound of your rapid heartbeat and the whirring of machinery. You’re going to die. A sob catches in your throat and you squeeze your eyes shut to keep the tears from spilling over. Then, a flash of light behind your eyelids, and something (or someone) comes up from behind you, forcing your eyes open. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No…” you whimper, struggling against your restraints with a new determination. The metal bites into your skin and you writhe and shake, your heart is pounding and you can't </span>
  <em>
    <span>breathe</span>
  </em>
  <span>, “NO! Don't make me look. Don't. PLEASE!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whatever they are using to keep your eyes open does not relent. You are sobbing and begging and pleading, but they make you watch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda is sticking the duct tape over his mouth. He lifts up the knife, and the determination in his eyes morphs into fear. His hand shakes, and he drives the knife into his thigh. You scream, trying so hard to escape that the chair is creaking and groaning under you. He stabs again and again and again. Knife down the arm, knife through the palm. You feel it all. Slamming your head backwards into the back of the chair, bitterly hoping that you’ll crack your skull open like an egg. You want to die. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He is just lying there now. All alone. Staring up at the spear where it dangles above him. It hurts, it hurts so much. He is all alone, you left him to die all alone. You’re like a rabid animal, twisting and turning in the chair, unhinged and terrified. He is still just </span>
  <em>
    <span>lying there</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You can’t stop crying, your chest is hurting from the way your breath heaves and from the shrieks that won't stop leaving your throat. Then, a door opens. Now that you know to listen for it, you recognise the sound of monokuma panels toppling over, and the woosh as the curtain catches alight. The determination in his eyes is back, but then…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh god! Is he back there?” That was </span>
  <em>
    <span>your </span>
  </em>
  <span>voice, “We need to put out this fire, if he’s back there he's going to die!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda laughs behind the tape. Eyes softening. He loves you loves you loves you. He’s going to miss you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You aren't making any noise anymore, your mouth is hung open in a silent scream as you feel your heart beating in tandem with his, “I love you…too” you whisper, your voice shattered and wheezy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes open wider and for a moment you think he heard you, but then you realise what he heard was the sound of the fire grenades shattering. For the first time, during this whole ordeal, he feels regret. Just before the poison reaches him, he changes his mind, maybe he doesn't want to die. It kills you. Your very being is twisting and warping, your heart catches on a hook and is reeled back into shore, the tears running down your face begin to boil and steam. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You watch him as he starts to writhe, screaming inaudibly behind the tape, struggling against his restraints as the poison enters his system....and you feel it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finality, relief, and a bittersweet goodbye. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes glaze over, and your soul rips in half.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But then, the joke is on Monokuma, because whatever he does to you, however he deals the final blow. It doesn't matter. You are no longer there. You’re in a classroom a million miles away, sitting on the windowsill with the boy you are in love with. His nervous fingers, gently intertwined with yours.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Untethered</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Just a normal day at Hope's Peak</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“So. Are you doing it today?” Koizumi asks, giving you a knowing smirk from her desk. It is a good ten minutes into lunchtime and the afternoon sun is cascading in through the open window. It’s a beautiful day, and you would usually be outside if you didnt have more important matters to attend to. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You are halfway through sealing a very fancy envelope with a collection of decorative stickers, but you still manage to shoot Koizumi a glare. Pointedly staring at her left cheekbone instead of into her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She laughs, “hey, no need to get all feisty with me. I’ve just seen you toiling away at that letter for over a week now, I’m glad you’ve finally finished it.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You hum, peeling a sunflower shaped sticker from a sticker sheet and affixing it over the back flap of the envelope, “I had a lot of things to say, and I’m not a very good writer.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You sure as hell aren’t!” Another voice scoffs from behind you, and you turn to see Saionji sitting on her desk, swinging her feet back and forth. She clears her throat, “An except: </span>
  <em>
    <span>my cheeks burn, my stomach twists!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Her interpretation of your work is offensively overacted, she clutches her chest and bats her eyes, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>When your eyes lock with mine my heart flutters, when your lips form the syllables of my name I-“ </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Koizumi throws a pencil at her, you are eternally grateful.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You memorised it?” You hiss, clutching the envelope protectively </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, duh.” Saionji rolls her eyes, “I read it over your shoulder like three days ago, it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>so funny </span>
  </em>
  <span>I had to write it down.” She smirks, “I already showed it to a buncha people.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ugh, what the </span>
  <em>
    <span>hell</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Saionji?” You exclaim, pressing more stickers to the front of the envelope as angrily as someone can manage, “it’s very personal!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Koizumi sighs, “yeah Hiyoko. That was pretty insensitive of you.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You hear the beginnings of some classic Saionji fake tears, but force yourself to ignore it. Popping the cap off of a sharpie and inking a name on the front of your envelope. You try to write as neatly as possible, but it’s hard when your hands are shaking.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So. Who’s it for?” Saionji asks, over her crying fit already. She leans in to take a peak and you hide the name with your forearm, glaring at her again, “What are you so embarrassed about? Is it someone gross?!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You don’t answer, your glare grows deeper, but Saionji ignores it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh yuck! Is it Souda? Is it </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hanamura?????” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Koizumi clicks her tongue, but a playful smile tugs at her lips, “yeah if it’s Hanamura we might have to disown you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not Hanamura.” You mutter, resting your chin on the palm of your hand, “just stop trying to guess. It’s only making me </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span> nervous.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sitting up from her desk, Koizumi comes over and rubs your arm encouragingly, “hey, I’m sure whoever it is will say yes. You’re great, and your talent is really cool.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You avert your eyes, “my talent </span>
  <em>
    <span>isn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>cool, everyone thinks I’m weird.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, iunno, Koizumi-chan.” Saionji says, “I get shivers up my spine whenever she looks at me with her creepy eyes.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You gesture weakly in Saionji’s direction, “see? People don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>like</span>
  </em>
  <span> having their emotions read, it’s invasive and gross.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey.” Koizumi starts, giving you a soft smile, “look at me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Your gaze is intently focussed on her right eyebrow when you say, “I am looking at you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She laughs, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>, look at me.” She points to her eyes, “right here.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You swallow. Since starting high school you made a valiant effort to avoid using your talent, people always thought you were weird and creepy, it was hard to make friends, “Come on.” She says, placing her hand over yours, “You can trust me.” you take a shaky breath, and meet her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Protectiveness, warmth, friendship</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You feel yourself soften a little, and Koizumi smiles, “okay. You get it now? We’re your friends. Hiyoko and I are going down to the cafeteria, you stay up here and do whatever you need to.” She stands upright and heads to the door, Saionji falling into step beside her, “let us know how it goes.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Saionji sticks her tongue out, but does follow it up with a quick, “good luck!” before following Koizumi out of the classroom. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Now that you are alone, your heart starts to race. The envelope feels heavy and almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>frightening </span>
  </em>
  <span>in your hands. This crush of yours has lasted almost a year now, and this is going to be your first attempt to actually do something about it, you’ve never done anything like this before in your life. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You take a deep breath, and pull yourself up from your desk. Knees wobbling as you head over to the desk of Nagito Komaeda, and slip the envelope inside. Saionji would have teased you relentlessly if she knew it was him the love letter was for, but people think you are weird, and people think he is weird. Being the two weird kids in class meant that you spent a lot of time together, group projects that no one wanted to chance his luck with, or that no one wanted to spend multiple classes avoiding your line of sight during. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>liked </span>
  </em>
  <span>your talent, he trusted you to be respectful and careful of his feelings. Also his hair looked soft.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The letter asked him to meet the sender around the back of the gym after last period. It did not mention you by name. Until then, you were just going to spend the rest of your day completely normally. So you gave Komaeda’s desk one final look and headed back out of the classroom to go meet Koizumi in the cafeteria. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh! Hey!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You look down the hallway and see Hajime Hinata jogging up to you. You don’t know him particularly well, he sits at the front of the class at the desk by the window. The front row has five desks, the others only have four, Hinata’s desk is out of line with the rest of them. Like it was an afterthought. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello.” You reply, keeping your gaze focussed on his nose instead of his eyes, “How are you?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He gives you an awkward smile and rubs the back of his neck with a hand. You notice that his uniform looks weird on him, but you can’t place why. It fits, but it looks like it is moving and shifting on his body in ways that are unnatural, you don’t point it out, “I left my lunch in my desk. I’m coming back to get it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah.” You say, “do you want me to wait for you?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Before he has time to answer, you see a familiar figure coming down the hall and you instinctively grab Hinata by the wrist and tug him down to hide behind a row of lockers. You are too distracted, and don’t notice that Hinata’s uniform is black now instead of brown.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you doing?!” Hinata hisses. You cup a hand over his mouth and hold completely still as Komaeda walks past the two of you and into the classroom. You notice that his vest is stained with what looks like gravy, luck related incident, you assume.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Once Komaeda isn’t visible anymore, you let go of Hinata and scramble over to the doorway. Peering around the corner as subtly as you can. He’s taken off his blazer and hung it over the back of his chair, and is in the middle of working his vest up over his head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata comes up behind you, peering around the corner as well, “What is Komaeda doing?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I think he has a spare vest in his desk.” You whisper, “you need to be quiet.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Your heart is racing in your chest, and your fingers tighten around the doorframe. Komaeda lifts the top of his desk, and his brow furrows when he sees the letter. Gently picking it up and turning it around in his hand. At one point he looks around the room and you have to duck behind the door to make sure he doesn’t notice you. You can barely breathe.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait. What did he just grab?” Hinata asks you, as the two of you lean back out. You don’t reply.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god…” Hinata hisses playfully, “someone left a love letter in Komaeda’s desk?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You’re still focussed on Komaeda’s long fingers as they slowly tear open the envelope, you see your sunflower sticker fluttering down to the ground. Biting your lip, hands shaking, trying to gauge any response.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god!” Hinata hisses much less playfully, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>left a love letter in Komaeda’s desk?!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shh!!” You say, motioning for Hinata to zip it, “I’m watching.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Komaeda’s eyes are wide as he starts reading, you can see his hands are trembling. Something you’ve written halfway down the page shocks him, he has to go back and read it again to confirm he understood it properly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmm...that was probably the bit I wrote about how nice his hands are.” You whine nervously, “oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>god</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I’ve made myself seem like a creep haven’t I?” You whisper, turning back to look at Hinata.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Komaeda is not the sort to get creeped out.” Hinata mumbles, “I didn’t even know you liked him.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Your other hand wraps around the doorframe as you lean out a little more, trying to get a better view of Komaeda’s face, “that’s the point of a secret.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t understand why you didn’t just tell him. You know your talent would answer the question for you if you used it right?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You huff, “I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to use it. I want to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>normal</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ļ̴͕̳̮̏̊̌͝͠ͅi̷͕͋̇̿̈́͐̉̈̒̆͂̆͘̚͜͝k̵̨̹͍̩͂̎͑̔̏͂́̽͛͋̓͝e̶̦̣͎͕̦͈͉͖͆́̈́̈́̋̓̊̕ ̵̛̛̛̟̩̺͉͛̄̉̈́͗̃m̷̢̢͖͇̣̞̱̮̱͕̥͂̌ĕ̷̺̝?̶̡̞̬̲͕̜̩̪̫̥̙̦̮͇̉̈̈́͘̚͝” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You freeze, so does Komaeda. The whole school comes to a standstill, “what do you mean, like you?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When you turn to look at Hinata again, he is gone. You blink your eyes, </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe he just ran off? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Either way, your attention was brought back into the classroom by a gentle gasp.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Komaeda has a hand clapped over his mouth, chest heaving as he finishes reading the letter. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Your heart is racing, your knees are starting to hurt from crouching around the corner. You wonder if he knows that it was you</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was you</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It wa̷̢̨̖̪̥̹̤̼̭͚͈͑͆͑͆͐̈̆̂̒̍̿́͝͝s you</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was you</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaā̵̡̪̦̰͚̭̩̼͎̪͈͋͛͗̃̕͜͝͝ͅạ̵̭͎̥̱͎̹̭̺̰͎̈́͐̒̕a̴̹̜̟̺̞̓͆͒͗͝ä̵̟̼̟̥͎͔̯̯̜́̌̈́̿a̵̹͖͍̙͇̘͍͕͙̅̅͊̌̈́̒̃ạ̴̢̗͉̘̰͉̺̹͍͛͐̆̊͐͘͘͝ͅä̶̡̮͔̹̩̪́̊͒̉̉̕̕͠ă̶̻̓̍̌̚ḁ̵̢̢̢̧̞̱̥̠͕͚̉̋a̴̠͇̻͉̘̐̿͆̄̀̈̀̅̋̅a̷̢̰̙̦̮̘̲̓͝ͅͅa̷̝͖̜̋̈͛̈́̐͌̾̓̃͘s̷̰̻̼̲͓̮̺͌̑̓̃͒̋̏͆̐͌̌̐ ̵̧̙̹̬̞̦̝̓͗͊͌͠ỹ̷̯̯̃́̃̎͋̈́̏̎o̸̩͉͍̗̯̠̙̬̱̩͔̾̅̊̂̾̿̍̌̓̌͘͝u̶̻̳̪̪̻͕̜͜</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <span>“Are you alright?” Sensei Yukizome asks.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You blink. Your eyes feel heavy, your brain feels like static. You’re back in class, sitting at your desk. The rest of 77-B has gone quiet, they’re all watching you intently, “I’m...fine.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Yukizome cocks her head to the side, brows pulled tight with confusion, “Your head hit the desk pretty hard. Are you sure Tsumiki-san doesnt need to have a look at you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Not matter how many times you blink, the world never seems to fully come back into focus. You feel sick to your stomach, “What are we doing again?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re meant to be writing outlines for your practical exams. Descriptions of your strengths and weaknesses, that sort of thing.” She is starting to look very concerned.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You swallow and look down at your page. It’s completely blank, you haven't written anything this whole time, “I havent started…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When you look over towards the window, your eyes lock on Hinata. He is wearing a white shirt with a green tie. His uniform is completely gone</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>(Why ạ̴̢̗͉̘̰͉̺̹͍͛͐̆̊͐͘͘͝ͅre there five desks in the front ro̸̩͉͍̗̯̠̙̬̱̩͔̾̅̊̂̾̿̍̌̓̌͘͝w? Why does our clạ̴̢̗͉̘̰͉̺̹͍͛͐̆̊͐͘͘͝ͅss have an odd number of students when no other do̸̩͉͍̗̯̠̙̬̱̩͔̾̅̊̂̾̿̍̌̓̌͘͝es?) </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Your head is pounding, and you can feel a distant tether to someone you cannot see or hear. Aching like a phantom limb. You stand up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Something is definitely wrong” Yukizome says, backpeddling from your desk when you suddenly shoot up, “Do you want someone to take you to the sick bay?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You shake your head, “I’m just going to stand by the window for a second. I’m just feeling a little dizzy.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She nods slowly, “Alright, but if you don't start feeling better, let me know and i'll call your parents, okay?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure…” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As you walk over to the window, something makes you glance at Hinata’s paper. Something unspooling the memories in the back of your mind whispers, </span>
  <em>
    <span>s̵o̵m̴e̶t̵h̵i̴n̸g̸ ̸i̷s̶ ̵n̴o̸t̸ ̵r̷i̵g̴h̸t̵.̵</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata’s paper, which should be a detailed explanation of his talent. Is incomprehensible. A series of jumbled letters and numbers blurring and shifting on the page, like trying to read a book in a dream. Dread seeps inside you, and it becomes a full tidal wave when you look up at the window, and see Hinata is now standing outside. You whirl around and see only the empty space where an extra fifth desk once was, the Hinata inside the classroom is gone. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ḧ̷̢͓̰̤́̍ḭ̵͎̋̈́̒n̸̩͎͋͐̃̊̑a̸̧͉̻̩͙͗̔̓̚ț̵͎̫͑̈́ḁ̴̛̫̞̫̒ ̴̡͇͙̄̒͛̋w̷̡̮͈̍a̴̧̘͙͌s̷͍̫̫͑̊ ̴̭͎͙̆͑̀͑ņ̷̩̈̌e̸̢̡̧͕͍͆̋̋͊̈v̷̳̼̎̌͐͘ȩ̸̙̱̮͆̂r̸͙̭͔͊̂̈́͘ ̴̧̗̣̠͚̉̏̈́͝͝ẗ̵͍̪́h̵̢̤̏̉ȩ̸̩͔r̴̮͐ē̵̘̰̼̕</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Heaving a shaky breath you turn back to the window. You freeze. Eyes locked on the figure lurking down by the tree in the garden, he stands completely still, staring up at you with red eyes that you can feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span> behind. A maw of darkness chews on you from all sides as your stomach tightens. You’re going to throw up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The person. (Hinata?) his eyes don’t turn from yours.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>nothing nothing nothing nothing </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>N̸̡̬͕͓̪̝̙̙͙̊͑̎̎̔̎̒͋́͑͜ͅǫ̶̛̗̺̖͊͊͝t̶̼̩̣͔͎̭̜̦͓̂͌͌̓̎͐͆́͜͝ͅḫ̵̢̞̙̯̳͍̼̜̥̰̝̉̈́̀͊͆͐̌͘i̸̡̤͌̓̔̐̂̈́̔̆̇̇̎͌̇ň̴̝̬͔̞̓̔́͛̋́̐̓̾̾͘̕͠ġ̴̢̲̩̼̠͓̗̭̯͍̱̔̈́ ̷̡̳͕͓̗̳͍̣̯̘͚͓̼̠̉̎ń̴͙͚̯̪̤̼̳̹̮̓͛̅̍́̔͒̐̑̏͜͝ó̶̢̪̋͐͋̋͑͐̃̐̀̃͝ͅt̶̢͉̺͕͉̥̽̈́͝h̴̨̨̟̣͇͙̖̉̀i̴̠̲͊͗̌͊̚͘͝ͅn̷̹͒͌͂̕ͅg̷̨͓͔͓͔̹̜̻̙̺͆̽̂͐ ̶̧̛̦̯͍͆͂̈̇̂̇̿͑̐̋n̸̨̧̧͇̼̖̗̗̦͑͆̈́̐̅̓͒̽͂̃̕͝o̴̧̳͎͕̟͒͗̈́̅͑̓́͛͝ẗ̷̨̧̛͍̬͕̫̬̻̰͓̳͗h̷͈̹̻̰̪͍͖͎̿̈́̀͌͌̊̕͜i̵̧̛̫̊̒̈͑̆̈́͘n̷̯̱̓͊̀ģ̶̧̫͇̦̰͕͈̖͓̃͘ ̵̢̨̡̪̪̯͈̾͆̿̃ͅn̵̢̞͚̠̩̦͙͈̰̻̱̩͗͜͜ơ̷̡̲̯̇̽̐t̵͚͓́̓̈́̊̏͌͑̐̋͐̅̈́͘h̶̢̗͈̖͉̪͚͔̏̽̈́i̴̡͍̜͇̗̬̩̺͎͈̐͐n̶̛͕̪̂̽̌̒̃̾̿͌̽g̴̗̲̰͈̜̳̮͙͓̼͍̒̅̂̐͗͋͛͗͜ </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>and just before you bend forward and hurl all over your shoes. His eyes blink once</span>
  <em>
    <span>. Bored.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There are stories being told behind your closed eyelids. Stories of death and pain. Your eyes are fluttering and spinning but they wont open, you can't open them. Your talent makes you sick, it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, good. You’re awake”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Komaeda is sitting in a plastic chair to your right. You are covered from your feet to your collarbones in an itchy blanket. The room smells like hand sanitizer.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.” You whisper, “I’m in the sick bay?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes. You lost consciousness by the window.” He laughs nervously, “I carried you over. I figured that studying for the practical exam isn't really something I need to worry about. It’s all going to come down to my luck anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You nod slowly. Still trying to slot the pieces together in your head. What made you pass out again? Dehydration? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The world is swirling, Komaeda reaches a hand out as if to steady you. His face is little more than a blur and you try to grab his hand as a way to ground yourself as the bed below you feels intangible, “Hey…” He whispers, “are you…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You squeeze your eyes shut, forcing yourself to focus only on the sound of your breathing. When you open your eyes again, Komaeda is still there, but everything else is gone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” He asks, his hair is longer and more unruly, the bags under his eyes are deep and purple. The sky behind his head is a shock of red and smoke, “Your hands are shaking.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When your eyes snap down to where your hands are gripping his. Bile crawls up your throat, your breath is coming quick and sharp. This doesn't make sense, why is this happening? Your head spins and twists and your heart is beating a rapid tattoo in your chest. The hand that should be gripping Komaeda’s, is instead gripping the limp wrist of a woman's hand, a sickening mixture of purple and black blotting its once pale flesh, red fingernails resting on your wrist. Your other hand is gripping a needle and thread, shaking as you are halfway through tugging a length of fishing line through the bleeding stump of Komaeda’s left forearm. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You shriek and scramble backwards, head colliding with what is once again the wall of the school infirmary. Komaeda pulls his hand back, it is </span>
  <em>
    <span>his </span>
  </em>
  <span>hand again. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, sorry. I shouldn't have tried to touch you.” He laughs goodnaturedly, “Even someone who confesses their love to me is too disgusted by my filth. I should have known better.” he smiles, “This is why i must decline your affections, you see, for me to dirty you with my touch. It would be a waste.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You want to comfort him, to pull him into your arms and tell him that his touch does the </span>
  <em>
    <span>opposite </span>
  </em>
  <span>of disgusting you, but you can't bring yourself to do it. The sound of your heart beating in your ears is thunderous, you can still smell the rotting flesh of the dead woman's hand, still feel the sting of smoke in your eyes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>S̵̟̥̒̕͝o̵̧̯̔͛m̸̢̛͙̈́̋͛͜e̵̛̲͍̰̿̆͜ţ̶̰͐̈͆ͅh̴̟͐̕ḯ̶͓̤̏͝n̶͔͈̼̙͆̑͂̉g̵̩̖̔͊̊ ̸̢͚̆̐ͅi̶̻̋̔̕͝s̶̢̍̚ ̷̧͚̀͌ẁ̵̛̭̬̘̕͝r̶͎̖͈̋̓o̴̯̹̒̈͗̚n̴͙̲̂̽͘g̸͖͍̽̈́ ̷̫̘̠̾̊w̸͎̻̾i̷̳̮̫͊̏̇t̵̛͇̚h̴̤͙͆͗̍ ̷̨͚̹͇̃y̸̲̦̓̉́o̸͚͋̓͊͝ủ̶̹͖̈́.̵͖̔̔͋͘</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Then. A realisation.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait. Confess their love to you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The note you left.” His head cocks to the side, “Did you forget? You had written so many kind things about me, I can't even believe half of them.” He sighs and his eyes attempt to meet yours. You stare at his shoulder instead, “I would not want you to waste your affections on me. You can do infinitely better.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you...rejecting me?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Komaeda gives you a sad smile. The walls of the sick bay flicker and turn to static behind his head, “Please don’t misunderstand. You are wonderful, that you even confessed to me at all is...outstanding, you have so much to give and you shouldn't waste your love on someone who </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>is ğ̸̰̫͍̰̥̌̊̌̃͊̾͘͝͠͠o̴̰̊i̷̩͙͖͓͒͐̽̑́̈́̑͝ͅn̷̢̡̼̼̩̘̪͍̼̻̖̙̓̆̂̄̒͊g̸̛̤̼̲͐̏̌͐͊̽͗̀̄̐̓ ̶͎͑͒̋̐͗͂͘͝t̶̨̢͔̝̥̼̤̥̜͎̗͋̑̽̏̍̈͂̎̏͊̚ͅǫ̷̧̻̗̭̜̟̜͎̪̠̭͙͊̈́͛̊̔͘ ̷̳̇̿̀̑̂̂̉̄̓͘͜͝͠d̶̟͎̯͆̏̓̾̿̎̾́͗̓͒͘͠i̴͚̥͕̫͉͇̳̤̍̂͜ͅễ̴̡̛͇̭̤͎̙̙͓̟̞̖̘̓̎͆̀̋̐̕ ̴̥̜̦̬̩̟̪̼̮͔͆͋̋͋̉͜͠ḑ̸̙̙͍͑̅͋̽ỉ̶̛͈͓͚̻͋̅̒e̸̢̧̤̦͚̖̩͗͆͌̾́͂̃̉̊̐̾́͝͝ͅ ̸̧̜̬̲͚̽ͅd̸̛̛̲͊́̔̆̈́̍́̊͊͗̚̕ḯ̶̢̡̗͕̳̭͇̗̫̤͎̮͖̝̃̔̈́̈́̕͘͘͜e̴̪̥̲̖͓̬̹̗̙̽͗̍͑̋̏̆̄̑̆̿̕̚͘͝ ̵͓͓̦̽͒̐́̀̎̇͠d̴̡͋̍̅̽̍̌̄̏͑̈́̃͗̚͘i̴͖̠͈̾̀͂̄̕͘͘͝ę̶̞͐̑̍͒̎̽͗̿̑̇̅͘͝ ̴̪̝̬̂͌̎͗̚d̴̡̛̘͖̊̈́̾͊̌̆͂͛̐̓̏͝i̵̡̩͈̮͇͉͎̯̍̓͌ͅe̸̖͎̥̦̞̺̗͚̍ͅ ̵͍̬̳̞̰͖͍͕̫̥̝̑̋̂͝d̷͇̭͎̯̻͈̜̝̜̗̗͂̋͌͊̀͘ĩ̷̮̰̂̌́͂͗̐̅̕͘̚͝ȩ̸̢̰͓͎̪̤̦̼̣̭̲̫͔͐̍̀͗̈́̾̈̚̕̕ ̷͉͔͈͔͙̖̟̣͙̭͊̅̐̓̈́͛̇̓̾͑̈́́d̶͓̲͍͉̱͕̼̰̥͖͍̥̱͓̂́͑͛͗̈̈̎̍͊̇̿͋̔͠i̵̡͎̠͑̏̈́̿̇̚͝ę̴͇̬͈̫͈͚͓̰̥̝̣̫̑͆͋͑͛̈́͐̓̕̚͜ͅ ̵͉͈̿̈́͛͌̈́͆̓̒d̷͇́̇̂͛i̸̳͎̳̲̙̎͐̐̾͊̔́̈́̉͂̈̕ȇ̸̟̰͂̈́̂̚͜ ̴̝̣͓͕̤͚͕͈͍̻̐̈́̀͆͒͗̋̽͋͠d̸̡̼͈̘̮̪͉̭̯͎͍̪͚̋͛͛̃̀̔̌ͅi̷͚̖̥̫̲͉̩̒͂̓̈́̓̚ẻ̵̡̨̹̞̮̗̦̄͑͐̑̔͆̚ ̷̜̰̖̦̓̽̏͂̓̈́̊͘͠d̸̛̜̞̫͎͕͙͈͋͌̋͌̓i̴̟̱̲͉̟͔̇̑̅̔̃̽̑̑͑͐è̴͍̱̫̱̮͌̆͗̿͆̽̃̋ͅ”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His mouth is still moving like he is speaking real words. But all you can hear is that one word repeated over and over and over. Your heart is racing, you have no idea what is happening. Komaeda is just talking like nothing is wrong, the world is turning to glass out of the corner of your eyes. Breaking and reforming again behind your eyelids.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Komaeda disappears, like he was just erased from existence and you suddenly realise that you are crying. One of the tears catches on your finger, and shimmers in ways that are unnatural. What is happening to you?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There’s a creaking noise on the other side of the room and you scramble backwards on the sick bed as the boy who looks like Hinata comes in through the door. He makes no move to approach you, he stands stiffly by the doorway and </span>
  <em>
    <span>watches</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You wipe the tears from your face with the back of your hand, “who are you?! What have you done with Hinata?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I have done nothing to Hinata. His fracturing was yours and yours alone.” He says. His voice is familiar. It digs its claws deep inside of you.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“His...</span>
  <em>
    <span>fracturing?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” A sob hiccups in your throat, “What are you talking about?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The boy doesn’t answer.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Can you please leave me </span>
  <em>
    <span>alone?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” You sniffle, wiping away more tears, “I’m having a hard enough day as it is.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“If it brings you comfort, you will ask Komaeda many more times.” The strange boy says, staring off into the middle distance, “he will say yes on the sixth.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wha- He will…?” You whisper, “How do you know?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His eyes turn to you and you get a crawling feeling under your skin, like he is looking straight through you, “This world is fabricated, but much of it is based in reality.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I...what?” You blink up at him, confused, “fabricated? What are you talking about?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“A defense mechanism. All in your mind.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You laugh nervously, “this isn’t a very funny joke…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I do not joke.” He continues staring, you refuse to meet his eyes, “use your talent. If you are too afraid to believe me.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You swallow, “I...I </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>won’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>” he sighs, disappointed, “a waste of potential, predictable. Boring.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine. If this world isn’t real, how are you here?” You say, “I doubt I would create someone just to ruin my own illusion.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I am not from here. I have been sent to help.” His eyes are empty, his expression unchanging, “Your world is crumbling, and you need to leave it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing is </span>
  <em>
    <span>crumbling</span>
  </em>
  <span>. What is wrong with you?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Your denial is wasting our time. Your mind is trying to make assurances where it should not, trying to put together the pieces of three different puzzles all at once and they just don’t fit.” He takes a few steps forward, eyes still boring into you, “This ideal world you have created is not sustainable, cherry picking the good parts of three separate lives does not result in stability. If you don’t leave here, the walls will collapse around you, and you </span>
  <em>
    <span>will </span>
  </em>
  <span>die in the rubble.” He reaches a hand out to you, “come with me. We’ll untangle the mess of your memories, then tell me how you feel about staying.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You are hesitant when you take his hand. The moment feels significant, like a leap into the void. You are surprised at how warm his hand is, for some reason you had expected it to be cold. He doesn't lead you anywhere like you were anticipating, instead he presses his other hand on top of yours and closes his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The smell hits you like a wall. People always say that scent has a strong connection to memory and a fondness you have never known breathes life into your lungs. It smells like autumn, bitter winds and pumpkin spice. Sandalwood, a hint of cinnamon apple and…</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Komaeda?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His eyes turn to you, his face tight with nervousness.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you okay?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He giggles nervously, the sound echoing in the empty classroom, “Oh, me? I’m fine! My concern is what will happen to you if someone walks in and sees us like this.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When Komaeda says </span>
  <em>
    <span>like this</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he means sitting together on the windowsill. Not exactly scandalous, but his own perpetual self-loathing has morphed it into something downright sinful.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s a brisk wind dancing through the autumn leaves outside the window. Red and orange trapezing through the sky. Komaeda has a thick green scarf wrapped around his neck and his nose is turning pink in the cold. He looks adorable.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Your mouth pulls into a firm line and you clutch your hands together in your lap, “You know i'm not trying to hide you from anyone, right?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And that is </span>
  <em>
    <span>very </span>
  </em>
  <span>kind of you. I’m sure no one would judge you poorly for hiding our relationship.” He smiles warmly, “I am human garbage, after all.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Komaeda, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to tell people.” You say, rotating in place to face him more directly, “You think i confessed my feelings for you six times as a joke?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I did consider that at first, but the more i think about it…” He averts his eyes, cheeks turning a little pink, “It does seem like your feelings are...genuine. No matter how misguided.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You huff and leap up from the windowsill, facing Komaeda with your hands on your hips, “You want proof that i'm not ashamed of you? Fine. I’ll do it!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh?” Komaeda breathes, “You’ll do </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It is with great purpose that you cross the room over to the blackboard. Grabbing a stick of chalk and writing in big looping letters, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nagito Komaeda and I are DATING</span>
  </em>
  <span>, underneath you sign it with your name. You are not about to let this be misconstrued. Komaeda is more important to you than the opinions of your classmates, you are willing to let Saionji tease you for months to come if it means he understands just how much you care. You gesture at the blackboard, “Do you get it now?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He’s just staring at you, one hand cupped over his mouth, eyes glimmering with the beginnings of tears, and something much warmer underneath, “But...but class is going to start again in 10 minutes and everyone will-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You cut him off, walking back over to the windowsill and cupping his face in both of your hands. Brushing an errant tear away with your thumb, you smile, “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>. That’s kind of the point.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He gives you a watery smile, reaching his hand up to interlock his fingers with yours where they rest on your cheek. He is shaking, but it's a good kind of nervous, you can feel it behind his eyes, “I don’t deserve you…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You laugh and press your lips to his tear stained cheek, “Yes you do.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Then, almost as quickly as it began. The memory fades, behind Komaeda’s head you watch the sun set and rise over and over, faster and faster. Yellow, orange, blue and then purple keeps crossing Komaeda’s face like someone is tipping over a bucket of paint. He’s still smiling up at you, a hopeful expression frozen in time and you realise with horror that you can no longer feel his skin under your hands. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No…” you whisper, reaching out to run your fingers through his hair only to find it intangible. A sob cuts loose from your throat.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“A good memory.” A voice says from behind you. That boy who looks like Hinata is standing in the doorway. His hair seems longer and darker, the tips are kissing his jawline. You’d almost forgotten he existed, “I decided it best to start simple. Your mind would not have handled something more intense.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The sun is still rotating outside the window, light cascading through the classroom and then fading into darkness every few seconds. Like a subway train passing by a station. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is this the future?” You ask, voice wavering.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No. It is the past.” He doesn't give you the time to ask anymore questions, though he can tell that you want to, “The next memory will be difficult. I will not ask if you are ready, because you will not be.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry this took so long T_T and i've had to break it into two parts. as you can see i got a little fancy with it and i hope it reads okay.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello. I cannot believe i am posting this in the year of our lord 2k21. I have ideas for some follow up chapters, so keep an eye out? idk?</p></blockquote></div></div>
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